Joy: a small word but one that encompasses what we all try to achieve daily in our lives.
For me, this word will now always be associated with the Netflix film of the same name which I have recently watched. I know, it’s been out for a while and working in fertility, surely, I wanted to watch it as soon as possible. I guess I did but when it is a subject close to your heart you also worry about how the subject will be treated. I shouldn’t have worried; they did us proud! Who doesn’t love Bill Nighy; he was great as Patrick Steptoe, and so was James Norton as Robert Edwards. For me, the highlight and point of watching was Thomasin McKenzie as Jean Purdy as it was Jean who invented the role I now do daily as a fertility nurse. Helping and supporting others as they undergo one of the most stressful processes out there. In her day, the chances of success were not even known since it was still just an idea – an exploration into “could it work?”. Seeing how she created and evolved into a fertility nurse and embryologist – which is now a completely separate role – was fascinating. My only bugbear in the film was the injections that Jean gave to the patients. I am sure any other nurse watching would have cringed as I did to see how she held that needle and syringe! To see how everyone working in that field were all, at times, persecuted for what they were doing, and Jean losing the connection with her mum struck SUCH a chord in me too. When I started work in IVF 13 years after Louise Brown was born, IVF was still being seen as “messing with what God created” – and my father, who was and always will be a Church of England priest, and my mother, always his follower, both thought the same. I could not discuss my work with them at all, they would change the subject or end the call with me if I strayed into that territory when talking to them. It hurt, it really did. This went on for a couple of years or so until the day of my now husband’s (fiancé at the time) 30th birthday when we held a party at our flat to celebrate. A wonderful couple who I had helped conceive their son when I was working at the fertility clinic in Harley Street had become good friends and were attending the party. Fiona was aware of the problems with my parents and that they would be there and told me to leave it with her. After pointing them out (not difficult to work out as I do look like my Mum!) she went over with her son who at that point was the most gorgeous blonde, blue-eyed six-month-old. ‘Hi, see some of Ruth’s work!’ She proceeded to plop her baby into my mother’s lap and walked away. Mum immediately held him, and he smiled the most beautiful smile up at her. That was it, my work was not just theoretical, it was real, and this baby made them see what I was trying to achieve for all the patients I worked with. I won’t say we always agreed in the years to come on some of the advances and options available in this field but more often than not we did agree; me from my stance with patients and science and Dad’s with the church and theology backing him up. It became discussion and debate between science and religion, instead of one pitting against the other. I love talking about my work as those who know me will attest to, but being able to share the joys of my work with my parents has been special and important to me. I still discuss patients and advances as they come up. My work is, no, my vocation is what I love, and I cannot imagine doing anything else. It is my passion through the ups and downs. I have cried tears of joy and sadness in equal measure both with patients and in private. One patient highlighted to me that when I speak about their treatment I always say ‘we’, that being them and me as a team fighting together to get that prize at the end. I do see it as a team effort and have built some amazing friendships over the years. This is me; I am a wife and a mother but before all that, I was and still am a fertility nurse and I hope to continue for many more years to come. - Ruth Image from Netflix's "Joy".
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Ruth PellowFertility Nurse Specialist for over 25 years. Archives
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