Today's blog post is special - we have a Guest Speaker today! Her name is Karen Deulofeu and she is here to talk about fertility mindset and what it is she does!
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“Everyone needs that support-even if at first you don't think you do. Look around. See who's on your side and in your corner. You don't have to go it alone.” - Author: Louis Zamperini
 
We know that our state of mind and emotions can influence many aspects of our lives. We also now understand the impact it can have on our fertility too. It's such an unfair journey and the cruel twist is that the emotional pain it is causing can be further harming your chances of becoming pregnant too. 
 
Recent research has shown that lowering the level of psychological distress is associated with significant increases in pregnancy rates. Women whose saliva had high level of alpha-amylase, an enzyme that marks stress, took 29% longer to get pregnant compared to those who had less - isn't that amazing?!
 
The impact of stress, emotions and our mindset is huge.. and it's also adaptable. It doesn't have to be this way. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. We all need to learn and with so many things happening we can easily put our own emotional wellbeing on pause. However, with the right tools and techniques you can put in place a structured way to handle the emotional overwhelm enabling you, step by step, to take back control of your life and fertility journey. The outcome to yourself and your growing family will be huge. 
 
Whether navigating the idea of becoming a parent, struggling to conceive or having a tricky pregnancy - I’m in your corner.

My name is Karen, and I’m a fertility and pregnancy coach.
Using my training and experience I help people undertake one of the most difficult journeys life can throw your way and give you the tools you need to make each step just a little bit easier.

I’m passionate about what I do because I’ve been through it myself.
I had my own fertility struggle that started far before trying to conceive. It was life-changing in so many ways. My aim is to support others going through this journey, to turn it around from the turmoil I experienced first-hand. To live in the wait, not wait to live.

I found the Freedom Fertility Formula and it changed everything. Finally, my life was renewed and I saw things differently. Everything improved as a result as I learnt how to use my emotions as my guide to propel me forward, rather than sabotage my day.

I’m on a mission to support anyone going through a fertility journey including single mothers and LGBTQ+ parents. Whether your first try, or after multiple losses, I’ll help you take back control of your emotions which can enhance your chances of becoming pregnant too. I’m here for you. I also work with those who have decided to stop treatment to help them come to terms with the grief and loss of hope this can bring.

Anybody who feels they need some extra support and advice from a trained professional who understands what they are going through.
Through Lily Ama Coaching, I offer dedicated programmes and one-off sessions for general/specific anxiety (i.e. if nervous before a scan, an EFT session could be useful). My work includes various techniques, including NLP and Hypnosis. to ensure change is made at the core and is lasting.

Together, we will rediscover what brings joy and fulfilment into your life and embark on a new healing journey that enables you to live the life that you deserve.
Sending you love and happiness on your journey, whatever step you’re on.
K xx
 
www.lilyamacoaching.co.uk
[email protected]
Instagram: @fertility_lily.ama

ANNOUNCEMENT!
On the Thursday 30th September 2021 at 8pm UK time (10pm Greek time/12pm PDT/3PM EDT), Ruth and Karen will be hosting a room on Clubhouse (https://www.joinclubhouse.com/) where we will be inviting people to ask questions regarding their fertility journey from both the medical and mindset perspectives.

Link to the room: https://www.clubhouse.com/join/fertility-support/cfkabFXd/xpYb1gDz
 

​Date: 16/06/2009
 
We had our first consultation today for our first IVF cycle. For me it was not good, my husband is much more positive, but I now believe it will not work for us. I have a very low ovarian reserve, which in my mind indicates poor egg quality. Normal AMH levels are 15 to 48, mine are 4.0 !. I now believe that doing the IVF is just an exercise in having no regrets, but I really do not believe it will achieve anything for us. I have decided to take some time out and not put myself into social situations that will upset me, i.e. hearing about other people getting pregnant, peoples kids etc. I feel this is the only way I can cope right now, and wonder will I ever feel normal again. I feel so crap and just want to hide away for the next couple of years until all this is over and I am okay with being infertile. I hope to god this gets easier, all I can do right now is hide from the world.
 
Date: 07/08/2010
 
Still hiding, still sad, still heart broken. I am no longer me, I feel like a zombie, like a walking dead infertile barren woman. We did two cycles of IVF and though we got to transfer stage they did not work as my eggs were too poor quality wise, as I strongly suspected. It’s strange to wake up every day and go to sleep every night feeling heart broken, I keep thinking I can take no more and yet I continue robotically through my excuse of a life. I am not me anymore, I feel like I have been body snatched by a big black cloud, my poor husband must hate being around me and yet he is so kind and loving to me, even though I have failed him completely. If only he had never met me, I wish he had fallen in love with someone else and had a lovely family with them, he is such a good person, he deserves that. I could explode with sadness and yet there are times I cannot cry anymore. I am numb yet I hurt so much, my heart physically hurts so much, it’s like a constant dull ache in my chest. I am worried that I have lost myself for good. I do not know if I will really and truly laugh again, smile again. I do not remember how to have fun anymore, I feel dead. But I am not dead because I am in so much pain. Right now pain is the only thing keeping me alive. It seems like there is a normal world where families do normal things together like shop and go to the park, and I am outside looking through a glass at this world, trying to figure out why I cannot be normal. I feel invisible like a ghost walking through a crowded room. I do not know how much more pain I can take, the longer I am in pain the more I feel my life force slip away. I am beginning to feel like I have nothing left.
 
 
Date: 11/10/2010
 
I am afraid of hope, I am afraid to trust myself to hope. I want to hope but I fear the rollercoaster. I want to hope that egg donation will work for me and my husband, but if it does not, then I do not know if I can recover from that. I read on the internet that it generally takes infertile couples two to five years to accept that they cannot have children. I think it is easy to write statistics, but a hell of a lot harder to feel your way through being one. I want to have children, I do not want to accept that myself and my husband cannot have a family. But the problem is that I am afraid to hope and also afraid to not hope. Maybe we will finally be lucky, maybe not. I have to give this my best shot, I have to figure out why I am so tired all the time, when did it start and what triggers it. Maybe the mental pressure is showing physically, maybe it is the start of an early menopause. Maybe I am going crazy, I do not know.
 
Date: 20/02/2011
 
I am pregnant with a beautiful strong healthy baby, I cannot believe how lucky we are. I am so happy, I am so in love with this amazing baby. We had a scan just over a week ago and we could see their little arms and legs moving, and even their little mouth moving, it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen, I will never forget it, and then we got to hear their heartbeat, an incredible 134 beats per minute. It was amazing hearing our little babys heartbeat. We have only just told all our family and they are so happy for us, especially after it being so difficult for us to have a baby. I will be eternally grateful to that wonderful woman in Madrid who donated eggs to us so that we could have a baby. I will always think of her with love and wish her every happiness. I never thought I would be eleven and a half weeks pregnant like this. I am so looking forward to holding our gorgeous little baby in September I am so excited about meeting and getting to know this little person inside me. My husband has been so amazing for the last twelve weeks (and more !)  even through our six week scare he has been so strong. I am so lucky to be married and in love with such an amazing man. He is going to be such a kind, loving & wonderful Dad. I am so happy that he is finally getting his chance to be a Dad, and what a Dad he will be. I think all the pain and sadness we have been through before this has now finally been worth the wait. I think this special little person inside of me is meant to be a part of our lives and only this path would have brought us together. This really feels like the rainbow after the hurricane. All our extended family have been so supportive through all of this and all now seem really excited too about this special little person, there is a lot of people looking forward to meeting this gorgeous baby, but none more than me and their Dad. 
 
Date: 19/08/2011
 
Healthy baby boy born, weight 6lbs and 12 ounces !!!!!
 
Date: 04/12/2015
 
Hello Baby !!!, I hope you are very happy in my tummy and having lots of fun swimming around in there. I am your mum Siobhan, your Dad is a lovely kind man called Ger, and most importantly you have a lovely very kind older brother who is four years old, he is very excited about becoming a big brother to you !!!. We are all very happy to have you in our lives and are really looking forward to meeting you when you are born. We are very lucky to have you in our lives as we had to go to Spain to have you via IVF with egg donation. We are very lucky that a very kind lady in Spain gave us some eggs so that we could have you. I will never get to meet that lovely lady but I know she must be a very kind special lady to help us like that. We love you lots and lots little baby and so look forward to meeting you. I hope you have a very happy time in my tummy, lots and lots and lots of love, Mum. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Date: 18/06/2016
 
Healthy baby girl born, weight 8lbs and 9 ounces !!!!!
 
And Finally:
 
To be faced with infertility is a very difficult and painful cross to bear, and as with many situations in life I think you have to personally experience it to fully understand the trauma it causes. For me and my husband egg donation was the right choice for us and has brought us a lot of happiness.  But I fully appreciate that people need to handle infertility in a way that is right for them, whether that be by doing further treatments, having a child via surrogacy, adopting a child, fostering a child or quite simply accepting their circumstances.  To anyone reading this and living with the reality of infertility I wish you peace whatever path you take. Also I applaud you all for being so strong and brave, you may not think right know that you are such an amazing person, but take it from me, to live with infertility day after day, and still get up and face the world every day takes immense courage.  If I can be of any help to anyone considering egg donation, please do not hesitate to contact me through Ruth. After all the happiness egg donation has brought us, it would be my pleasure to help others feel that same happiness. Both Ruth and Procreatec in Madrid went out of their way to make us feel comfortable during every step of the process, not only did they make it possible for us to have a family but they did it in a way that felt like a big comforting hug !!!!.

​Permission to use names/images were given by the patient.

"In 2007, myself and my husband started trying to conceive with no success. By July 2010 and two failed IVF cycles later we were told that our only options were egg donation or adoption, which was devastating news. After a long painful year and some very helpful counselling we came around to the idea of egg donation and began to look seriously at this option. In 2011 we were lucky enough to have a beautiful baby boy through egg donation.  In 2016 we were doubly blessed with the birth of a baby girl through egg donation. I have included some excerpts from my diary below to share this journey with you."

Date: 02/01/2008
 
Back to work tomorrow and boy am I going to change things, no more really long weeks hopefully! Lots more delegating (definitely), and one hour lunch books (yum).  Hopefully in the next couple of months I can get pregnant, this stuff really takes time.  It’s strange you spend half your life trying not to get pregnant and all of a sudden you are trying to get pregnant.  Although it has only been six months, so I am not yet worried about it, it would be nice for us and make my husband so happy.  So, no drink, no ibuprofen, eating well and moderate exercise all the way for me now, god I am going to be so healthy!! Roll on 2008!!
 
Date: 13/06/09
 
‘’Poem from an infertile woman to the rest of the world’’
 
Please do not call me bitter, when I do not want to hear.
About your child, your niece, your nephew or grandchild you hold dear.
It’s just that I may never have those memories that you treasure.
My childs laugh, their hugs, those wonderful simple pleasures.
 
Please do not call me angry, if I seem to lose the plot.
When I see a child ignored, unloved, insignificant like a dot.
It is just so hard to understand, why I cannot be a mum.
When I promise to love and cherish children and never leave them numb.
 
Please do not call me a failure, because I cannot reproduce.
This failure is so hard to take, ands feels like a too tight noose.
I’m sorry if there are times that I seem moody and quite sad.
It’s just that another month has passed and my loving husband will still not be a Dad.
 
I beg you all to never joke, about me expecting a baby.
When I simply do not want a beer, or have a tummy bug maybe.
I plead with you all, to never ask me, when I will join the club.
When deep within my heart of hearts I feel we may never have a cub.
 
For those of you who have a child, please love and treasure them dearly.
Even on those difficult days when your efforts leave you weary.
For those like me, who have to live with this loss, this grief, this pain.
I truly believe there’s always a plan, and none of our lives are ever in vain.

​Part 2 to follow!

Sent to us on 9/9/2021 -

"It still feels surreal that after 5 years of fertility treatment, 3 failed IVF’s and multiple cancelled cycles, I am now finally pregnant for the first time ever… and with TWINS!!!!
Our journey started in 2016 when I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure. We initially chose a clinic in Spain, where we had 3 failed transfers. Our treatment in Spain was very disappointing, not only because the transfers failed but also because of the lack of communication and support we received. Also at every point in this journey there was a sales pitch for add on’s and we were so desperate to make this work we naively bought into it all. I then took a break for a few years as it all took a toll on my mental health. 

"In Aug 2020, a friend recommended IVF Treatment Abroad. From the very first conversation with Ruth she gave me the reassurance that we can make this work and she just needs to understand my full fertility history to pick the right clinic for me. She picked Iakentro and this was a completely different experience to the one in Spain. There was no sales pitch, just one fixed price for the full treatment. The only person I spoke to throughout my journey was Ruth, she always made herself available whenever I had any questions (and that was often!!), she listened to my recommendations and put them to the doctor for consideration. She was so supportive throughout. 

"Ive always had an issue with thin lining and during this treatment, I had multiple cancelled cycles whilst we were trying “new recipes” of medication until we found what worked. I am so grateful to Ruth and Dr Kosta for not pushing a transfer until my lining was perfect… without their persistence to get my lining right and without their expertise and support I don’t think I would be pregnant today.

I was almost ready to give up on the prospect of becoming a mum, but Ruth and Dr Kosta made our dreams come true. ❤️"

- Roopa

​(Permission to use image and name was given by the patient)

"I first wrote the "Incredibles" blog a few years ago, and from time to time I like to read it again to remind myself about the levels of courage and determination that our patients have on a day-to-day basis. What I wrote then is as true today and will be tomorrow as it was when I wrote it at the time. No question. No doubt. Definitely.

Since then, of course, the world has changed. Something that the majority of us have no control over. Where we have had to put our lives on hold and in the hands of politicians and scientists to do their best to keep us healthy and safe. And for the most part, I believe that they have done their best, but there will always be mistakes made and decisions taken too late and Covid 19 will be something that we will have to live with like many annual viruses for years to come.

As a family, we have been fortunate not to lose any friends or family members to the pandemic, but we know that there will be a lot of you out there that have. Should that be the case, then we are deeply sorry for your loss.

But life goes on, as it should and as it must and we all need to find some joy from somewhere.  

Whilst sometimes I struggle with my own vulnerabilities and insecurities, I know that I have my own grit and determination as well as my loving wife and daughter (our tech support) and five dogs to put up with me! I am still that 50+ year old bloke that is in awe of his wife's talents and her knowledge and compassion for her patient's greatest wishes, yet still longing for my own desire of being able to return to the arena of speaking directly to you, face to face at an exhibition to hear about your own dreams. 

More so, I am still blown away by your determination, your fortitude, and your resilience in forging ahead to achieve your dreams of either starting or continuing your family. Even more, because so many of us have not had that personal interaction that we as a nation take for granted. For the most part, we are a very social society, and we openly accept social contact as a given. In certain respects, it's what defines us as a nation and as individuals. 

I watched the Olympics and I was blown away not just by Team GB, but by every nation that gave their all. I loved the sub-stories regardless of the nationalities, the shared medals, the first medals ever one by a particular nation, and the pain and heartache that brought them to Tokyo after five long years of preparation and waiting. I would just like to highlight a couple of the many standout moments of the games as well as praising and thanking the host nation for putting on an Olympics that lived up to and exceeded expectations under the worst of circumstances.

The first is the final of the men's high jump where we are down to two competitors, Mutaz Essa Barshim from Qatar and Gianmarco Tamberi from Italy. Best friends ever since Gianmarco was close to quitting due to injury and Mutaz sat down with him for hours and convinced him to keep going. So here we are in the present day in the final. Gianmarco's plaster cast from his previous injury is displayed on the track for each of his jumps. Both of them had all first-time clearances, so doing a countback to failed attempts was not an option. They could have carried on and done a jump-off, but they also had the option of sharing the gold medal, which they did and in my opinion rightly so as both men deserved it after two hours of competition and Gianmarco's reaction to his friend's suggestion was worth it in itself. A fabulous moment and says everything about what the Olympics is supposed to represent.

The second moment is entirely opposite to the first, in that it shows how harsh sport can be sometimes. Annika Schleu from Germany was leading the modern pentathlon going into the showjumping section. For those of you not totally familiar with the modern pentathlon (I wasn't) the events are fencing, swimming, show jumping, and then a combined shooting and cross country run. In the showjumping, there is no such thing as bringing your own horse. Oh deary me no. You are allotted a horse and are then given 20 minutes to get to know it. Now all these horses are trained jumpers, but of course, it is still a lottery and poor old Annika got one that was not a happy bunny. To be fair, the same horse was allocated to another competitor who also struggled with it, but by the time it was Annika's turn, the horse had really had enough by then and it was not going to cooperate. It was heart-wrenching to watch and one can only imagine what was going through Annika's mind as she saw that gold medal disappearing. But like all good athletes, she will put that behind her and she will be back to try again, such is the determination of the human soul.

I know that I have digressed somewhat, but there is a point that I was trying to make, in that sometimes things go right and sometimes they don't. There will be highs and there will be lows. And when there are lows, we have to dig deep and try again. Giancarlo dug deep because of his friend's help to come back from injury and Annika will dig deep and come back a better, stronger competitor because of that experience. Your gold medal is to start a family, and we will do everything we can to put you on the top step of that podium.

I believe that if you can accept your own or other's achievements, regardless of gender, skin colour, religion, or whatever, then we just might prevail. I am not a dreamer, even though I like to dream. But I have hope. And so should you. Why? Because you are incredible."


- Simon, Co-founder IVF Treatment Abroad

"​In March 2014, I got into an egg donation program with a clinic in Spain. I’m from Germany and here, unfortunately, ED is forbidden by law. 
It took me some months to find that clinic by searching the internet for recommendations, statistics and all those stuff everybody in my situation will know about... They presented with good numbers, high success rates and acceptable prices, so we chose that clinic. We had a coordinator, with whom we corresponded by email and who gave us all the instructions. The doctors that she referred to when answering our questions were always different ones, which made me wonder how much they might know about our special case and how individual such a treatment could be.
"We had 1 fresh and 3 frozen transfers, all of them unsuccesful . From transfer to transfer, we felt more like we were just one couple of many and like nobody really cared about us and the reason why we didn’t succeed. 
"So I started again to search the internet for an alternative - and that’s when Ruth’s name came up. I read through her IVF Treatment Abroad site and decided to contact her. I got an answer almost instantly with lots of information and the offer to chat via Skype. So, I spoke to Ruth and that’s all it took to convince me, that this was the right place to go  for us. 
"We talked about the former treatment cycles and she suggested to do some further tests and also recommended one clinic in Greece which she thought would be best for us. Just a short time later, we went to that clinic to do some tests, get matched to a donor and do the paperwork . 
"We got a proven donor and 9 out of 10 retrieved eggs fertilized and developed into very good blastocysts that had to be frozen, because my endometrium wasn’t as good as it should have been to do an embryo transfer - I was glad they didn't compromise my chance of success when things didn't look right. So, I went for a frozen transfer some weeks later. Everybody at the clinic was very warm and welcoming and made me feel like an individual and not just like a number. 
"And I got pregnant!!! We were so happy that after all those unsuccessful attempts and the thereby associated stress it finally happened! 
Unfortunately, the pregnancy didn’t develop further, but at least we got pregnant and now we are quite confident that the next try might be successful. 
"All this time, Ruth guided us through every step, explaining everything, making suggestions and always being available when needed: You have a question? Email and you’ll get an answer within the hour. Need to talk? You Skype Ruth, talk to her and she’ll make you feel better, or at least comfort you, instantly.  
"You can feel that she has a lot of experience and, even more important to me, plenty of empathy and the real ambition to help you make your dream come true: a child of your own.  
I wish I had known about her before , because now it feels like we wasted one precious year. 
So, if you’re thinking about whether you should try with IVF Treatment Abroad/Ruth, I can only recommend to go for it! You’ll be in very good hands and you’ll be seen as the person you are and not just another client who needs to be handled. 
Good luck to everybody!!!